


Am I Becoming Too Hard to Swallow?

by islasands



Series: Lambski [3]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Love, M/M, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-29
Updated: 2011-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-23 05:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islasands/pseuds/islasands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is worried about his lover. Will he "love him and set him free"? Or will he listen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Am I Becoming Too Hard to Swallow?

PART 1

Sauli rolled over onto his back. He listened to Adam singing in the shower, stopping and starting phrases, breaking into impossible runs, repeating riffs over and over until he was satisfied, mumbling and humming to himself, then continuing with the song. He was working on one of the new singles. It was a studio day, today. Sauli sighed. He threw his arms above his head. He himself had nothing planned. It would be another lonely, unproductive day.

“Sauli!”

“Adam!”

“Come here! Quickly!”

Sauli jumped up and ran into the bathroom. He slid open the shower door. Adam was standing there, looking down, splaying water on his erection.

“What is the problem?” Sauli grinned.

“You,” Adam frowned at him. “You are. You are my fucking problem. In here,” he tapped his chest, “and down there.” He looked back down.

Sauli stepped into the shower. Adam pulled him close. They kissed open mouthed, tongues lolling, as though sharing their kisses with the rain of the shower. Adam slid down Sauli’s body to maximise their groin contact.

“I don’t want this problem to be solved,” Sauli said. He laid the flat of his palm on Adam’s chest. “But the other one...” He knelt down. The water splattered on his back. He tenderly mouthed each testicle. He gently stroked the sensitive gap between anus and cock. He reached his arms up and Adam caught them by the wrists. He wanted this to be no hands. Sauli stood up, his arms still restrained against Adam’s chest, and spread his legs as far as the shower cubicle would allow. He lowered his head. Water was running down his hair onto his face. His sucking was in perfect synchronicity with Adam’s rhythm. At the last moment he took him in as deeply as his position would allow, and shook his head slightly, like an animal shaking its catch by the throat. Adam released his wrists and staggered back against the wall. He pulled Sauli up.

“Fuck me,” he said, when he could speak.

And Sauli obliged. He dried Adam off. He led him to the bed, turned him and pushed him down onto his stomach. He prepared himself and Adam with lubricant then lowered himself onto and into him, using his hand to guide his cock inside.

“Fuck you,” he said against Adam’s neck. “Fuck you and your problems.” He laid into Adam, pushing inside as far as he could go. “Fuck you and your English language.” He gripped Adam’s shoulders to give his penetration even greater purchase, punctuating each advance with verbal ejaculations. “Fuck your fucking house in LA! Fuck your fucking racoons. Fuck you for making me love you like this!”

He was done. He withdrew, with difficulty, and rolled off Adam’s back. Adam turned over onto his side. His nostrils were still flaring with each breath. He smoothed Sauli’s forehead.

“Toppy little bastard,’ he said gently. Sauli gazed at him, his expression not the least bit ‘toppy’. Adam lay down and pulled him into his arms.

“Oh my love,” he said sadly. “Am I becoming too hard to swallow?”

“I always swallow,” Sauli protested. “I would swallow rocks if they came out of you. You know this.”

Adam laughed. He tightened his hold. He put his lips on Sauli’s hair and left them there. Thinking.

PART 2

The week that followed was quiet, subdued. Even their love-making was subdued. Both noticed it, and both said nothing; Sauli, because Adam was working late most nights, Adam, for reasons he did not want to admit. Or face.

On the morning of his last studio session Adam took Sauli in his arms and kissed him as tenderly as knew how. “I love you,” he said. “I _love_ you,” he repeated. His emphasis was so seriously delivered Sauli felt reassured. He spent the morning writing his blog then joined his new Finnish friends for a brunch that turned into dinner. It was only when they returned to the car that he realized he had left his phone in his jacket. He checked it for messages. There were a few from Adam.

 _"Baby, where are you?”_

 _“Where-ever you are, please stop being there and come home.”_

 _“Hurry the fuck up. I want to ask you something. Important.”_

Sauli smiled. He was still smiling when he arrived home and walked into the sitting room. Adam was sitting on a couch, looking decidedly pissed off. He patted the couch.

“I’m sorry,” Sauli began. He sat down and went to kiss him but Adam merely pecked him in return. "I thought you might be late,” Sauli explained, faintly annoyed by the desultory peck.

“I came home early. I’ve been here for hours. Why didn’t you answer?”

“I was with my friends. We had lunch, then dinner! And I left my phone in the car. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” Adam sighed. He leaned over and kissed him properly. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“So you said.”

Adam sat forward and put his hands on his knees. He looked back at Sauli.

“I’ve been been worried about you. About us.”

“Us?”

“Us.” Adam looked away. “I wanted to ask you if this is proving too much for you. Me. My life. My town. My friends. All the things you don’t have here and that I take for granted.”

“That’s what you wanted to ask?” Sauli said. He paused. "And I thought...”

Sauli stood up. He looked down at Adam. It was the first time Adam had ever seen his eyes looking at him with anything other than love, affection or lust.

“So you don’t trust me?” Sauli said.

“No. I do. It’s you. I worry if you can trust yourself. It’s a big ask.”

‘I see. And if the ask is too big I should pack my bags and go back?”

“Yes.”

Sauli, speechless with anger, spun around and left the room. Adam stared at the emptiness of the doorway after he had passed through it. He got up and left the room also. He went down to his studio and slumped on a chair. He found a half-empty packet of Sauli’s cigarettes and lit one. He poured himself a drink, then several more. He listened to a bunch of new CDs. He cried silently. Finally, he crashed on a couch.

In the morning he woke and for a moment wondered where he was. Without Sauli at his side he felt he could be anywhere. Without him, his home became a house. He tried to remember their conversation from the night before but the main thing he remembered was Sauli’s expression of distaste. What had he said to deserve that? He was trying to love the guy. Properly. Fairly. Unselfishly. And then it came to him – that phrase. That one little phrase, “And I thought...” What had he thought?

Adam jumped up as though someone had just thrown a bucket of water over him. He ran upstairs, ran down to their bedroom, flung open the door and stood stock still in disbelief. He was gone. His clothes were gone. He went over to the pillow and picked up the handful of jewels Sauli had left there. All the gifts he had given him!

As he drove to the airport he used his hands-free to call ahead and determine any and all departure times for Finland. He knew exactly where to go when he arrived and ran through the crowds, pushing people out of his way. He ran up the escalator into the departure lounge. The queue was already being processed. “Sauli,” he yelled. He pushed past the queue and saw him, about to turn a corner – and disappear. “Sauli! You come back here!” Sauli hesitated. An airport official took Adam’s arm. “I’m sorry, sir, but no-one can come back after boarding.” Adam shook himself free and tried to pass through the boarding gate. The official grabbed him. They struggled. Adam was cursing. Sauli sighed. The bastard was going to make a scene. He turned and returned the way he had come. “You will not be able to board your flight, now,’ the boarding attendant called out. “Precisely!” Adam yelled, grabbing Sauli’s hand and dragging him off.

Nothing was said as Adam led them out of the buildings and across the carpark. And even when they were in the car, when Sauli tried to ask what exactly Adam was doing, Adam said curtly “Not here. Not in the car. Not till we get home.” Sauli crossed his arms. He was trying to push down a feeling of lightness in his stomach. A nervous fluttering.

They arrived home, and taking his hand once again, Adam led them into the house, down the hall, into the living room, and across to the dining table. He pulled out a chair for Sauli. “Sit down,” he said. “Please,” he added.

He jerked his own chair out and sat down. He stared at the pile of jewels on the table. He pushed them roughly in Sauli’s direction.

“Last night, when we talked, you said something. You said, “I thought.” That’s what you said.”

Sauli gave no answer. He stared at the heap of rings and necklaces. His cheeks were working. He was blinking hard.

“You thought I was going to ask you something else, didn’t you? No, don’t do that. Don’t do it.” He reached out and used his thumb to wipe away a tear that was rolling down Sauli’s cheek.

Adam reached over and pulled Sauli’s hand away from its position, locked across his chest. He forced his hand up to his lips.

“This,” he said. “Minulle kätesi avioliitossa?” His pronunciation was halting. He did his best.

“No! Please God, no. I said not to do that.” He shook his head. He wiped away another tear. “Minulle kätesi avioliitossa?” he repeated. “Kyllä tai ei!”

Now, to Adam’s relief,  Sauli smiled. He smiled his beautiful smile that turned up at the corners. Nor could he help it. Only his beloved Adam could embellish such a request with a blunt “Yes or no!”

“Yes,” he said.

‘Yes?” Adam kissed the top of his hand.

“Kyllä, - dominoi, määräilevä, hullu mother-fucker.”

“I’ll look that up later,’ Adam said. ““Kyllä. Yes!”

In a flash Adam had him in his arms. He lifted him up so that Sauli had to lock his legs around his waist. He carried him to their bedroom, stumbling and bumping into walls because of his refusal to stop kissing, even for a moment. He released him onto the bed. He looked down, his expression agitated, his colour high. He was still struggling to pull himself together.

He began to undress. “I should fuck your brains out for doing that to me. Don’t you ever do that again. Walking out on me like that. It was cruel. It was uncalled for.”

He began to undress Sauli.

“I won’t do it again. I promise.” Sauli grinned. Adam lay on top of him, shocked to his core - yet again - by the feeling of their bodies touching. He kissed his lips, then his throat, then ran his tongue down his sternum and over his nipples. “I’m still gonna fuck them out,” he said.

EPILOGUE

Sauli woke up to find Adam rummaging in his groin, slavering messily over his cock and testicles. He reached down and took a handful of his hair and pulled it hard.

“Because of you, I have no clothes. None.”

Adam raised his head. He calmly surveyed every inch of Sauli’s body. “Clearly, that is not my problem,” he said, returning to his task with a vigour that was possessive, hungry, and not a little self-congratulatory.


End file.
